I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
