I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
