i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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