you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
