dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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