aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
