Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
