Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
