Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
