sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
