Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
