his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
