By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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