um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
