if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize