woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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