I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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