It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
