Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
