They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
