Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
