how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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