Already got asked if we're dating
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
