If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize