I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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