I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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