Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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