Cold hands, warm shart.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
