I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize