dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
