Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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