I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
