I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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