so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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