why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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