I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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