grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
