Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
