You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
