So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and she was petting her beer can
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
