So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize