talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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