I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize