If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
honey bunches of taint.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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