we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
