one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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