so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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