White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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