R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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