The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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