I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
