i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
