why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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