Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
