i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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