he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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