did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
