Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was confusing and full of hummus
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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