Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
