I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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