trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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