Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize