Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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