How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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