Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
