I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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