I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
