That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
