Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
