I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
