I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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