if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
