"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
