My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
