I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
