are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
