I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
