Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
