Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My vagina just recognized that song.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
