So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
